TREMENDOUS STUPENDOUS!

By Daniel Errico

It was the day that Farmer Duff waited for all year round. Today was Family Funday Sunday. The kids came rushing onto the farm as soon as the gates opened. They fed the goats. They rode the horses. They watched the pigs roll in the mud and tried to jump in with them. The rest of the day was spent running away from the goats looking for more food.

When everyone had left, all the animals gathered in the barn to fall asleep. Just as the last chick had closed its eyes, and everything was silent, all of a sudden…

BOOM! CRRRRACK!

Something fell from the ceiling into a pile of hay. The dog was barking loudly, and the chickens ran in circles bumping into each other. 

Then the something on the floor started moving and dusting itself off. It had the oddest little vest, and a very tall top hat. (How it had stayed on his head we will never know).

“Please excuse my entrance, all my furry little friends,

Give me just a moment and I’ll try to make amends,” 

said the something with a hat and vest.

Then he pulled out from his vest an old wooden spoon. He waved it at the ceiling and said, “Tremendous Stupendous!” And with that, the roof was fixed just like new.

“Where did you come from?” asked the sheep.

“How’d you’d that!” said the dog.

“I arrived today from Walden, where I lived inside their Zoo,

I was raised in Southern France, but I was born in Timbuktu.”  

About this time the Hawk came to see what had made all the noise. The Hawk never goes anywhere without his friend the Blue Jay. They sat high up on the window sill and watched. “That’s all well and good,” said the Hawk, “But who are you?”

“How rude of me…My name is Ferret R. Fable,” he said as he bowed.

Ferret R. Fable adjusted his vest and removed his hat, placing it in the middle of the floor.  

“I’ve traveled far to bring this here, and leave you all a treat,

My famous stew, like none before, the greatest you will eat!”

And with a wave of his spoon over the large hat, he roared, “TREMENDOUS STUPENDOUS!”

The hat was magically filled with a stew that smelled delicious to every single animal in the barn. (Which is hard to do, because the pigs and the sheep NEVER agree on a meal). One by one the animals came up to the hat. 

“I don’t think it’s wise to eat from this ferret’s magic hat,” said the Blue Jay.

“I would find out what’s in that stew before I ate it,” said the Hawk.

But no one had listened. The pigs were slopping the stew up. The dog was slurping it off the floor. One goat had liked it so much that he gobbled up the hat.

“It’s delicious!” said the horse. “The best I’ve ever had, it’s …..it’s…”

“Tremendous Stupendous!” cried the dog, “Can you make us some more?”

“Of course I can dog, I’m Ferret R. Fable!

I’ll bring a new batch just as soon as I’m able.”

“I take credit cards, checks, and cash does just fine,

If you’ll stand to my left and please form a straight line.”

All the animals looked at each other. 

“But we have no money,” said the dog.

Ferret R. Fable didn’t say a word. He held out his hand and the goat coughed up his hat.  He put the spoon back in his vest and he walked towards the door.

“We have food,” said the horse in a soft little voice.

Ferret stopped suddenly, and scratched at his head. 

“For your food,” said the ferret, “I’ll give you a trade.”

“I’ll share with you all how this stew can be made.”

The Hawk tried to stop them, “That deal is horrendous!”

But it was too late, “TREMENDOUS STUPENDOUS!”

With a flash the ferret was gone. He took all the grain, all the oats, all the apples, all the carrots, all the chicken feed, and the slop, and the hay. (How he carried it all we will never know).

All that was left in the barn was a note. The dog picked it up and read it aloud:

Recipe for Tremendous Stupendous Stew:

-1 Part Carrot

-2 Part Apple

-A bag full of grain

-A bucket of slop

-Some hay, and chicken feed sprinkled on top

The food that the animals ate every single day were the ingredients to Tremendous Stupendous Stew…and they given it all away. 

Farmer Duff was disappointed the next morning, to see that all of the food was missing. He had worked hard to make sure that all the animals had something to eat, but they had lost it all looking for something better. 

It was two days before the farmer brought them anymore food, and it was the longest two days they’d ever had. Only the Blue Jay and Hawk had full bellies from digging for worms, but they did not gloat.

From that day on the animals enjoyed every meal like it was the best they’d ever had. And once a year, they brought all their food together to make Tremendous Stupendous Stew to thank the farmer for all his hard work and to remind themselves of their careless mistake. Every person and animal was invited to the feasts, except for one.

A sign on the barn door made it clear: “No Vests and Top Hats Allowed!”