Monster Manners

by Daniel Errico

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In terms of monster etiquette,

A manners guide is hard to get.

I’ve walked the grandest monster halls

And rummaged through their monster malls.

Illustration of doors to stores in a monster mall. Slime Shop. Spikes N Things (50% off %22N things%22. Screams (loudest in town).jpg

I’ve learned, in time, their tricks and rules,

Those brooding blargs and slimy ghouls.

They don’t shake hands, they wiggle tails.

They’re far too scared of breaking nails.

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They cry a lot and blow their noses.

Cameras make them strike their poses.

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Their birthday balls are legendary.

Hairy gifts are customary.

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They don’t eat cake, it’s far too sweet.

They much prefer a book to eat.

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If ever you should have the chance.

I must insist you watch one dance.

They stomp their feet and La-La-La.

And sometimes learn to Cha-Cha-Cha.

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A monster’s home is hard to find.

They’re made of branches, mud, and vine.

They’re masterful in snowball fights.

 They’ll wait to hit you day or night.


Illustration of a monster hiding behind a snow fort, with a pile of snowballs. There is a sign that says %22Not a Monster Fort!%22.jpg

I promise, you will too, defend,

How monster’s make a mighty friend.

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What you’ve heard might be contrary.

Trust me, monsters: they’re not scary.